I used to interpret the phrase “Marriage is not for small boys” to mean young men until I met a female mentor who has been married for 47 years. So, what is the secret to your 47-year marriage? I inquired. She retorted, beaming, “My son, the expectations you bring into marriage will either spell its doom or its success.” I married my husband with no expectations of enjoying his money or buying cars for me, but over time, my patience, hard work, and God-fearing attitude resulted in the acquisition of cars, houses, and the care of our children, among other things.

You see if a married lady keeps on nagging in the house, she pushes the spirit of her husband from the home. If you make the man unhappy, you make the house uncomfortable.

So I married without having high expectations of my husband, only to make him happy all the time.

Yes, for the past 47 years, I’ve been the first one out of bed and the last one back in. I bathe the kids, pray with them, make breakfast for my husband, and boil hot water for him to bathe in. I ironed his work clothes, kissed him, and wished him luck in his daily endeavours.

So, what does the man do in response, I asked the old woman. She laughed heartily and responded, “You see, this is the mistake you young people make in marriage.”


When it becomes your attitude to always please your husband or wife, the other person naturally responds. The palm tree does not tremble if nothing touches it.

My son, she went on, never bring “how rich or poor your family is” into marriage. After all, you were well aware of your family’s financial situation when you chose to marry that man or woman.

Love only compels/leads would-be couples to marry, but it does not keep marriages together. Instead, understanding, patience, communication, and, most importantly, forgiveness are what keep every marriage going. High expectations are signs of marital dissolution.

I want to marry a mother, a business partner, a God-fearing person, and so on. You can’t put all your hopes in one person. You might get some with time and depending on your relationship. So, in marriage, keep your expectations low.

To cut a long story short, as too many cooks spoil the broth, she concluded on the mistakes a couple should resist at all costs in marriage:

1) Never claim that you made your wife or husband into someone from nothing. It stings. Give God the glory for only using you as an agent of transformation.

2) Let the man be the head of the home regardless of the couple’s financial, economic, physical, and emotional health situation, while the woman exercises caution in her use of the tongue.

3) Having children should not be the primary goal of a marriage. They are given in order to improve your marriage. When God delays in giving you a child, you have every reason to be happy in your marriage.

4) Sex is a major morale booster after a hard day’s stressful life. Try to be sexual beings and not “Angels” in that marriage

5) Resort to God often and less to men to solve your marital disputes. 

6) Let the women “ Make up” their characters much more than they make up their bodies. 

Marriage is not for small boys because they struggle to forgive, demand everything immediately, lack the patience to wait and so on.

Make every effort to make that marriage work, and God bless us.

May God keep our homes safe and provide for those who hope for the best.

Above all, always pray for your Soul Mate.

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